Here I sit.
The remaining daylight pours through the stained glass, there’s that familiar lingering damp smell and nothing but the faint hum of a lone fly to keep me company. I’ve come to sit in this little parish church almost everyday this last month. It’s a solitary place without even enough signal for my phone to disturb its heavy silence. Why am I here? It all started after I read a story about two sisters which highlighted my shortcomings in worship.
‘Now as they went on their way, he (Jesus) entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to Him and asked, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.’ – Luke 10 v 38-42
The story struck a nerve in me.
You see, I’m your classic 21st century Martha. Easily distracted, short-sighted and self-important. When I approach God it’s often with a list of grievances in the one hand and a long to do list in the other. It was this attitude that was failing me. In our own lives, relationships based entirely around what we can receive and where we are preoccupied are short-lived and skin-deep.
And so I began asking myself:
Do you know God … really?
When was the last time you sat in stillness, asking for nothing other than to enjoy in His presence?
I realised that my own life’s agenda was acting as a barrier to an intimacy with God I had yet to experience. It became apparent that I was still operating on the misconception that Gods presence was based on the merits of my performance and not freely given as a gift.
And so, I’ve decided to come and sit here everyday. Irrespective of circumstance. Trying to invoke a heart more like Mary and less like Martha
In doing so I’ve learnt a few things.